Don't Leave My Mind

I Want Your Ugly

I find myself checking your page all the time. Checking mine to see if you wrote me something. I have constant butterflies/moths in my stomach because I wonder what you are doing. What you are thinking. Do you think of me at all? Do you miss me? Do your emotions catch up to you like a tidal wave? They do to me.

"Give it time...the pain will pass," I tell myself, "I can do better." I wish I would listen and in way believe it. I don't want anyone else. I want you and all your imperfections.

Man, do I feel pathetic.

Come back.

I will not grovel at your feet and beg you back though. I am strong enough and secure enough to know that I won't and can't stoop to that level.

"I want your ugly, I want your disease. I want your everything as long as its free. I want your love. Love, love, love, I want your love."

Empty

I hide behind a broken smile

Tears

I feel empty, alone, and forgotten.

How dare you play with my heart and so carelessly toss me away.

I want you, but I am not weak enough to throw myself at you.

I am strong, confident in who I am, and have so much love to give.

You can see it, but you don't want it.

All your promises and hopes for us were poison.

Congratulations. You fooled me to believe you loved me.

Fuck you! I know there is someone out there, someday, that will appreciate and reciprocate what I give to them.

You want to live a life alone and without romantic ties to anyone. Have fun with that. Prepare to be disappointed when you find yourself lonely and alone.

Don't go complaining to me about it because I'll only say I told you so.

So, go now. Have fun running away from your problems. See how far it gets you.

Open Water

You dazzled me

You beckoned me with trust

Still and safe

I tested the waters 

Took a dive

Waters ever flowing

Ever changing

I swam far 

Then the clouds turned grey

The storm approached

I felt my limbs paralyze with fear

They would not move

Where were you

You must have sensed the change in the winds

I turned to look for you

You were gone

Here lied the proof

My fear of open water.

I've been dying just to feel you by my side

"I will burn for you. Feel pain for you. 

I will twist the knife and bleed my aching heart

and tear you apart."

 #1 Crush (Hex theme version) by Garbage

This song always gives me shivers. I LOVE it

Once a Child always a Child....what a way to end a friendship...

Coworker-

Hi Jackie this is my birthday gift to you. I forgive all debts that you owe me. I erase any obligations that you may feel towards me. I dissolve the need for you to feel an obligation to be my friend. I realized quite slowly that you have been faking it for months due to feeling an obligation to be my friend. I have removed you from facebook and have taken your number out of my phone. I will not be calling you anymore or asking you to go anywhere with me. I feel this is the best gift I can give you.

Me- 
I know you may not even read this, but I am going to say my say anyway.

Since you chose such a cold act to make your point, writing to me via facebook instead of talking to my face. I am going to be blunt as I always am. I find it completely childish that you go about dealing with any issues we may come across by shutting me out, ignoring me, and now, when I never could think you could stoop so low, you completely cut off our friendship through facebook.

Why did I deserve it, I find myself asking? Oh, yeah, I forgot to call you back. I am a horrible friend. Sue me. I'm sorry I have a boyfriend that takes up so much of my time. I'm sorry I can't bend my schedule to fit YOUR needs. I'm sorry that when i post up asking if anyone wants to hang out or go to Disneyland that I'm not psychic and assume want to go. Gods! Why don't you ever let me know instead of HOPING I will ask you? I've told you countless times to tell me instead of beating around the bush. You immediately jump to conclusions every time I don't get back to you right away because your sooooo damn insecure. "Jackie doesn't like me. She doesn't want me around. She's ignoring me again." Hello!!! I do it to everyone. Don't feel so special like I do this to only you. I do it to everyone. I'm infamous for not answering the phone. I would say some cruel things in anger, but I won't stoop so low. I don't feel any obligation to you. If ever there was any suspect of my need of space from you is because every time you want to do anything and I am unable to do as you please, you ignore me like a child instead of facing the issue like a grown up.

I give some kudos for letting me know your feelings this time, but I am disappointed you didn't have the courage to say it to my face. I am not surprised you didn't though. It only fits your pattern of behavior.

I will NOT change for you or ANYONE else for that matter. I treat you no different than I do anyone else. I hate the phone, I hate answering the phone. I get a lot of crap from everyone for it and know its something I SHOULD change, but like you can't change your childish behavior, don't expect me to change mine. Grow to except the things you don't like about me, which I do with you all the time. Its why I end up coming to you to solve our differences every time instead of you coming to me.


Its nice to know that even when you were telling me not to worry about it because its what friends do, you were going to hold my debts to you over my head anyway though.

I hope you and your new girlfriend the best of luck and hope you have a happy life.

- Jackie

P.S. If I can ask only one gift from you it would only be to treat me like a human being and not a piece of trash after all this. Last thing I want is this to make work for you or I unmanageable. I can just see you glaring at me or turning your face away when I am around....especially on Tuesdays. Sulking like you do and saying nasty things behind my back. I know you will do this because you don't feel I deserve any favors from you, but its worth a shot and I did believe we had/have a good friendship in the now past.

Men Are Babies

You're not my boyfriend so stop whining like a baby when I can't spend time with you all the time. You're not my only friend, you know. I need some space, and some air to breath.

When you are upset because our plans don't run through to your advantage. Don't avoid me. Talk to me about it or suck it up and roll with the punches.

Here's a tip:  Get some more friends. Maybe some your age would be great.

You're a good friend but I can't give you all my attention all the time.

You're suffocating me. All our/my friends are getting the wrong image of what you want with me.

If you want constant female attention, get a girlfriend.


The End.